


To Be Human

by InsertACreativeNameHere__SlavicViking



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Ghosts, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Hiccup's too big head, Modern AU, Self-Reflection, Werewolf AU, Werewolves, and lots of'em, elements of violence, featuring:woods, hey look, i'm posting on ao3, occasional bad puns, sassy Gobber, werewolfAstrid, werewolfHiccup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-08-11 14:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16477361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertACreativeNameHere__SlavicViking/pseuds/InsertACreativeNameHere__SlavicViking
Summary: "What makes them human and us monsters?" he paused. "Where is the line?"What Astrid needed coming back to Berk was peace and quiet.  Life, however, has its wicked ways to make the most obvious a mystery. WerewolfAU. Hiccstrid.





	1. Prologue A: Hiccup

**Author's Note:**

> Can also be found under slavicviking on tumblr or InsertACreativeNameHere on fanfiction.net :)

Prologue

 

Song of choice: „The woods” by Hollow Coves

 

 

 

Gum, check.  


Spare shirt, check.  


A Kit Kat, check.  


Hiccup grinned crookedly at the irony of the name before throwing all the items from the desk into a backpack and zipping it up. Glancing over at the old watch wrapped around his wrist, he swung the bag over his shoulder.  


“Gobber, I’m heading out,” he called out. A crash came from inside of the tiny workshop and a middle-aged man came barreling into the patio.  


“Oh no, ye don’t!”  


“But-”  


“Unless ye want to go commando again,” Gobber threw a gray piece of cloth his way. “then I suggest ye take those with ye.”  


He felt his face heat up at the pair of sweatpants in his hands.  


“I ain’t bailing ye out of jail again ‘cause ye were trespassing or caught stealing from a clothesline,” the man added with a side-glare. “Mildew’s patchy shorts don’t look good on ye,” he paused. “Not that they look good on ‘im either.”  


“Right,” Hiccup deadpanned, pushing the pair of pants into one of the side pockets. He tilted his head. “Thanks.”  


Gobber passed him with a hearty pat on the back, sending him a sideway smile.  


“You sure you can handle it alone?” Hiccup bit his lip, his eyes on the cars in the workshop.  


“Don’t ye trouble yer big head.  


“My head isn’t-”  


“Proportionally seized?”  


“It’s the hair,” Hiccup mumbled defeatedly. Gobber laughed.  


“Go. Out with ye,” he waved his hand dismissively.  


Hiccup nodded slowly and hung up his apron by the doors, frowning at the oily smudges. Stepping into the woods, he paused, taking in the scene. He loved the end of summer and how it showed in nature. It was still relatively warm, for Berk. The woods remained full of life and color. The pines gave off a strong smell. The sun shone through the still thick tree crowns.  


He took his time down his usual route, the quickest one to get back home. At one point the woods were cut through to make space for Berk’s main bus station. He had dreaded that investment from its very first plans and signed petitions to prevent it from happening, but to no avail. So, every day, the peace and quiet of nature was interrupted by the bustle of people and tired car engines wheezing their way in and out of town.  


The smell of exhaust fumes in the air made him gag.  


His eyes caught a sight of a blonde mass of hair and its owner on their way straight into a pole. The girl seemed too absorbed in her phone to notice. Typical; Hiccup frowned with a roll of his eyes.  


“Careful.”  


“I saw that,” the girls snapped right back, halting right before the pole. She gripped her phone tighter, perfectly baby blue nails circling around the perfectly teal phone case. She turned on her heel and he braced himself to be told off.  


“ _Hiccup_?”  


“Astrid?”  


He knew she was coming back, his cousin had mentioned that to him, not without a nudge to the side, more times that he could count. But he hadn’t anticipated to actually stumble into her, to _see_ her, hear her voice. His stomach made a nervous flip.  


“Hey,” she said with an easy smile slipping onto her relaxed face. Her fingers played absently with a strap from her leather bag.  


It hit him then. A smell. A scent he recognized. His nose scrunched up automatically. His eyes stayed glued to his childhood friend. He _knew_ what it meant - but how could it _possibly_ be…?  


Oh.  


Oh _no_.  


	2. Prologue B: Astrid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music of choice: “The Sealed Kingdom” by Adrian von Ziegler

She jolted awake when her elbow hit the plastic window sill.  
  


Astrid sat up straighter in her seat, wincing at a bump on the road that sent her bag flying into the seat next to her. The haziness of the nap’s aftermath lingered at the back of her mind, the thick forest on the other side of the window remaining a messy blur until her eyes slowly refocused. The watch wrapped tightly around her wrist told her it was long past noon and she huffed under her breath, rubbing her eyes tiredly.  
  


The bus took another sharp turn. Astrid cursed under her breath, reaching out to save her bag from flying out into the corridor. A middle-aged woman, seated on the other side, glared her way, but she ignored her and her husband. Wrapping her arms tightly around her things, she turned back towards the window.  
  


She never thought that she would be this relieved to be coming back to Berk.  
  


When she was moving out, though a wave of nostalgia rolled around, she did not feel much regret. Then, sixteen, the idea of New York seemed so fairy tale-like, an open door to so many new opportunities. But it quickly turned out a big city like that one was not meant for her. The tall buildings towered over her, the traffic blared, the people bustled around in packs – she found it suffocating.  
  


She had fought tooth and nail for her father to let her go on a camping trip to a secluded forest at the end of last month, with a few of her colleagues from the college she was attending at the time. She shouldn’t have.  
  


A sharp pang in the pit of her stomach made her suck in her breath. Her side stung and she quickly pressed her hand against the thin fabric of her shirt to make sure it was still covered.  
  


Her head snapped back to the woods outside the window, finding it distracting and calming enough as her hand still rested on her side. A few of the traditional wooden huts emerged from the sea of pines and larches, standing straight and proud upon the island-like hills. She could see people meandering about their daily business; a group of children coming back from school, a pair of lumberjacks finishing their share for the day – and for the first time in a while, she felt at peace. Beyond the forest, beyond the hills, a blue smudge on the horizon, as if painted by a distracted artist, signaled the rocky Berk beaches and the cold Berk sea.  
  


The old bus wheezed through its final turn to park itself at Berk’s new “main” (and only) bus station. Astrid gathered up her backpack and jacket as the engine rumbled displeased, releasing its final breath before shutting off. Pulling her warm layers on, she staggered out of the vehicle, her legs numb from the long ride. Looking around, she felt lost; she realized she had never traveled to Berk alone. And this place, this station, was not here when she left three years ago.  
  


With her bag pushed under her arm, she trudged her way through the people, distracted. Her eyes swept over numerous signs on the local buses, trying to remember the next route she was supposed to take to reach her destination.  She fished out her phone from her pocket to find the address again.  
  


“Careful.”  
  


Astrid looked up distractedly to find herself face to face with a pole that seemed to have sprung up from the ground out of nowhere. Mere inches from slamming face-first into it, she gripped the phone tighter in her hands.  
  


“I saw that,” she quickly supplied, painfully aware of how ridiculous she must have sounded. Her sore pride, however, could not let it go quite so easily. With a series of possible follow-ups already hot on her tongue, she turned to face the helpful stranger, but the sharp words died quickly on her lips. Her eyebrows shot up. “Hiccup?”  
  


Her childhood friend looked equally surprised, if not more, to see her. His hair shaggier and longer, his frame broader but just as angular and boney; there was no mistaking him, however.  
  


_“Astrid?”_ Hiccup titled his head and narrowed his eyes, as though he could not believe that the girl in question was actually there, in front of him. He scrunched up his nose the way she had seen him done countless times before. Some things, she thought briefly, do not change.  
  


“Hey,” an easy smile slipped onto her face. Though they were never really that close of friends, and Hiccup’s reputation preceded him as the town’s unintentional chaos wrecker, she found herself pleased to have stumbled upon him. It was nice to see a familiar face.  
  


“Hi,” he replied with a tight smile. He looked distraught, confused.  
  


Her phone rang suddenly, startling her out of her reminiscing. Sighing with relief when she saw it was her aunt, she shot Hiccup an apologetic look, waving the phone in explanation.  
  


“Gotta answer that.”  
  


“Sure,” Hiccup simply shrugged in response, shifting his weight from one leg to another. Biting her lip, Astrid quickly reached to pat him on the arm. It was perhaps rougher than she initially intended, but it was the way she used to three years ago, when she still lived in Berk and life seemed so simple. Familiar. Despite their distance she immediately recognized the scent of the forest on him, mixed with grease and gasoline, and she could only assume he had taken a walk through the woods back from Gobber’s automobile repair shop. His face lit up ever so slightly at their little inside thing. His body remained tense despite it.  
  


“It was great seeing you, Hiccup,” she quickly assured, gathering up her stuff and pulling the phone closer to her ear. “We should definitely catch up sometime.”  
  


Walking away, Astrid only heard a faint hum of agreement behind her, already on the phone with her aunt. Their talk was brief, and satisfied having gained the information she needed and ending the call, she paused. She could feel somebody’s eyes on her and, surely enough, Hiccup was still standing where he had been at their brief encounter, watching her. She swallowed thickly.    
  


Odd, but it was Hiccup and Hiccup was odd at times.  
  


That was what she told herself when she entered the local bus that her aunt had directed her to, turning away from the window and Hiccup.  
  


Just... odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all that left kudos and commented so far! <3
> 
> Next up: an actual chapter! *owen wilson’s voice* wow


	3. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music of choice: “Madness” by Ruelle
> 
> This story has been inspired by the British and American versions of a TV show called ‘Being human’.
> 
> Enormous thanks to residentmotherhen on Fanfiction. net for helping me edit it!!

**Chapter 1**

 

_“Look! In the uncertain eve_

_Every branch is glowing, flowering,_

_Star is shining down on star:_

_And a thousand gems are glowing_

_Emerald throughout the leaves:_

_Yet your spirit travels far.”_

-excerpt from “Night of the Full Moon” by Johann Wolfgang Goethe

 

 

 

Some things never change.

Her aunt’s little house on the outskirts of the town of Berk looked pretty much the same as it did when Astrid was little –  the same creamy-white two-level house that stood, too proudly for its own good, with its ragged shutters and ivy-covered walls. The picket fence remained cracked in several places, white paint worn and flaking. It was comforting.

“Astrid, welcome back!” Aunt Helle enveloped her in a tight hug right away, babbling about all the different types of teas she had in her cabinet that she had to show her, and that she was sorry for all the mess but she woke up too late. Astrid couldn’t hold off a smile at the happy chatter.

“I prepared you a room upstairs,” Helle supplied in-between other bits of information. “Go unpack and get some rest, you must be exhausted.”

Astrid couldn’t help but agree. Going up the stairs, she looked over the upper floor, noting some of the changes that have been made there. While the master bedroom stayed the same, the other room had been clearly renovated not long ago. New panels replaced the old creaky floor and the wallpaper Astrid drew over when she was little was gone; instead, the walls shone with clean, pastel yellow paint. It looked nice, she admitted honestly when Helle asked her about it.

She quickly settled into her new living space, unpacking what little that she had brought with herself, and making space for things she would be bringing in later on from her dad’s. Stepping down for the promised tea with her aunt, they caught up briefly before Astrid fled to the center to meet up with her old friends. She never anticipated missing the infamous Thorston twins as much as she did and she had to admit – it was nice to see Ruffnut and the others. There was no one quite like them anywhere in New York; be it a good or a bad thing for the rest of the community.

“I’m serious, they called off classes for a week after that,” Ruff cackled, finishing off her story with a prideful smirk. She shoved her brother lightly, and Tuffnut high-fived her eagerly in return. Astrid smiled into her cup of famous hot chocolate, letting the beverage warm her insides. Her ears felt clogged for a split moment. Her back started to hurt at some point after she left her aunt’s house and she shifted in her seat. She really hoped she wasn’t getting sick.

It was so easy to forget how cold it could get in Berk, even at that time of the year. They weren’t the wisest in their choice of seating either, settling down by one of the few tables still set out outside. Most people hid themselves inside the coffee shop, coats off and warm drinks in hands.

It _was_ a chilly night.

Though she was not alone in her silent disdain of Berk’s weather, the others didn’t seem to mind half as much. While Astrid hugged her coat closer to her chest to prevent another round of shivers, her childhood friends just sipped their hot coffees and teas, jackets unzipped. She glared half-heartedly at the rising moon and the darker tones settling in the skies, puffy clouds tinted orange and pink. Her stomach suddenly rolled unpleasantly and she propped her chin on her elbow with a grimace. She saw Ruffnut throwing her a sideways glance.

“They only saved that sheep because I stepped in, don’t lie to yourselves,” Snotlout Jorgenson butted in. Astrid rolled her eyes half-heartedly despite herself.

“It must have been insane,” she concluded, an easy smile slipping onto her face. She reached for her mug but quickly backtracked when the strong smell hit her nostrils. Her stomach protested immediately.

“Dude, you okay?” Ruffnut couldn’t help but ask with a raised eyebrow, noting the unease. “You don’t look so good.”

“I’m fine,” Astrid quickly shrugged off the concern, giving the hot chocolate in her hand a slight shake in the air. “They must have changed the recipe or something.”

It was then that the twins, on the opposite side of the table, looked up first, to then glance at each other in surprise. Astrid’s strained smile slipped off her face when she felt someone gently tapping her on the shoulder from behind. Turning around she was met with familiar green eyes and big nose, framed by messy hair.

“Hi.” Hiccup ducked his head slightly. She eyed him warily, slowly settling the mug back on the table. Something wasn’t quite…right.

“Hey?”

It was not as though she did not want to see him; no one mentioned he would be coming, though, and she, admittedly, had forgotten to ask. She could still picture his thin form in the crowd at the bus station, his eyes solely one her, and maybe a part of her wanted to not ask with that memory still lingering in her mind. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” His voice sounded strained. Astrid heard Tuffnut whisper something to Fishlegs behind her back. Irritation bubbled in her chest. He noticed. “Your aunt sent me.”

She raised an eyebrow but his stance did not falter. He wasn’t about to give up, and she could sense it.

“Okay, fine,” she finally sighed. He motioned for her to follow him and she did, fishing out the phone from her pocket after shrugging at her friends apologetically. No new messages, no missed phone calls – she frowned and scrolled through her most recent thread with her aunt. Nothing.

“So, what is this about?” She bit her lip and looked up from her phone and her eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness. She realized they had walked into the alley behind the coffee shop she and the rest of the gang were sitting at. Her nose picked up a scent of rubbish and mold. The air felt stuffy. She gagged.

“What are you doing?” Hiccup asked, his voice quiet but tone sharp. She could feel her heartbeat speed up ever so slightly at the sudden shift of his tone and posture.

“Excuse me?”

She followed Hiccup’s hunched form with her eyes as he paced around the alley, hands balled in fists and breathing heavily.

“Don’t act dumb, Astrid, please,” he warned, his voice softer. “I don’t know what your plan was, but it’s late already and-“

“I don’t think I follow,” she replied curtly, wincing as a sudden wave of pain and nausea hit her lower stomach. She tried to swallow it down, bouncing herself nervously off the building’s wall. “I... should go.”

“No.” With speed and agility she would have never pinned Hiccup Haddock for, he appeared in front of her, blocking the narrow path, his palms outstretched to block her way. His tall, dark form was outlined forebodingly by the weak light from a street lantern but it was his eyes that felt like an icicle piercing through her chest. Glowing, unnatural, _animal_ – Astrid leaned weakly against the damp wall, the world stopping. She had seen eyes like these once before.

“You…” her voice a mere whisper, she felt herself frozen to the ground. Hiccup’s whole expression softened momentarily.

“You don’t know,” he muttered under his breath before looking up at her, his mouth open and eyebrows lowered in realization. She stood quickly as he took a tentative step closer, paralyzed as he reached out slowly and pushed her head slightly to the side. And she saw, then, a blurry reflection in the closed shop’s glass windows – her tattered clothes, and messy hair, her agape mouth, and her eyes.

“Wh-”

Panic gripped her chest. Her stomach rolled with another wave of pain. She saw stars. And her eyes, in the reflection, her glowing eyes, like his, like _its_.

She didn’t understand.

With shaking hands, she reached for her phone. Turning on the front camera, she was still full of hope – because it had to be a joke, a play of lights, because there had to be a reasonable explanation.

But there wasn’t one. Just the ground falling from beneath her legs. Just her worst nightmares, ones she wasn’t aware existed until then, coming to life with demonic speed.

 

“Astrid…” Hiccup’s tone was much softer now, almost sympathetic – he was _pitying_ her and, for some reason, that angered her, a lot.

“I thought you knew,” he supplied weakly, quietly, his words almost lost by the rumble of a motorcycle on the street.

She didn’t know – but he did. And he must have known all the way back at the bus station when they stumbled upon each other. He knew.

She felt betrayed. She felt stupid.

“I can only imagine,” he wetted his lips, watching her warily, “how scary it must be for you, but we have to go. Now.”

He made a clumsy attempt at reaching for her arm but she jerked back, as though his touch had burned her.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,”

“Trust me. _Please_ , Astrid.” She did not miss the desperation edged at his voice. But her brain was a mush, her body a stranger to her, and any thoughts jumbled together, forming an incomprehensible mess. Her world was crumbling before her, everything she had been sure of now a mere shadow, a ghost of itself.

“Why should I?” She clutched her chest as another painful jolt went through her. It felt like a stab to her chest and it was all she could do not to cry out. “Oh gods…”

“You’re going to hurt them.”

He surprised her with his straightforwardness. Even then, he remained calm, his voice and expression, apart from the eyes, soft and even considered gentle. How – she could not fathom.

Despite how scared she felt in that exact moment, how much anger and confusion she felt, she, deep down, somehow knew he was right. There was something in her, a bestial element that wanted to get out, unleash its anger and pent up frustration. She did not understand it. She did not know what it was, or why, or how – but it was there, getting stronger and more intense with each passing moment.

Hiccup did not stay unaffected by its influence either. As he leaned against the same wall as her, his palm stretched tense over his heart, she knew he felt the same. She could hear and feel the way his breathing hitched from time to time and his body shifted, inching closer and closer towards the exit, to run and not look back. Because despite the initial boldness, he was, she realized, scared, and he was in pain, like her.

“Okay.”

He didn’t react at first and she thought he hadn’t heard her.  She feared she wouldn't find the courage to say it again. But then he looked up at her, relief so clear in his features. His head moved quickly, nodding to himself, or to her – she wasn’t sure – and he jumped towards the exit of the alley, his moves sickeningly animal-like.   

“Come on,” he urged her, his face contorting with another wave of pain.

“Where are we going?” she found herself asking once she finally managed to make herself move. Her muscles screamed as though she had just come back from an intensive work-out. It was boiling hot one moment and freezing cold another. She wanted to throw up.

“I know a place,” Hiccup mumbled vaguely.

Her voice of reason blared for her to stay, to not go hell-knows-where with Hiccup, but all that “made sense,” all logic and reason had crumbled in that alley, and instead the new-found instincts took over her body and mind. Despite that, through the confusion and pain, one thought plagued her mind still.

“The gang…”

Her first, initial reaction was turning her head towards where she separated from her friends, but Hiccup was quick enough to nudge her forward instead.

“Look down, not up,” he advised her with a hoarse voice, his own head hung down and shoulders hunched. He sent her a sideways glance and she hated – _hated_ – the way his eyes glowed. She knew hers did, too, and that made it unbearably worse. “You can call them if you feel you can.”

As he said that, a new wave of pain rolled in, this time more intense. She pressed her hand to her mouth to smother a gasp of surprise. With her other hand, she pulled out her phone from her back pocket again. The colors of her home screen seemed faded and bleak but she found the name she was looking for in her contacts not without trouble. Her fingers shook uncontrollably as she typed out a simple message; Hiccup all the while leading them towards the outskirts of town.

With her eyes on the ground, she quickly lost her sense of orientation. The cobblestone sidewalks mixed with the cracked asphalt roads. And then her foot landed on something much softer. With the poor choice of positioning of the street lanterns in Berk, it took her a moment to understand where they were.  It was the familiar smell of pines and moss that made the gears in her head turn, and turn they did – rapidly so.

She stopped, dead in her tracks, her feet digging into the soft forest floor.

“Astrid…?”

She heard Hiccup shift by her side, the rustle of leaves and his uneven breaths. She dared to look up, for the first time since they left the alley.

There were trees, tall trees, all around her. Thin mist formed at the ground level in some places. The air smelled of humidity and pine, like on so many summer days when she was little and the woods did not seem so endless and so terrifying. It was dark, except for the few places where the moon’s light shone through. A moon whose sight she had never hated more.

She jumped with a yelp when an owl hooted in the distance.

A twig snapped under Hiccup’s boot and her mind panicked, her eyes roaming around her surroundings, expecting to see it, trying to suppress the voice in her head saying she was no better than “it” anymore.

“Come on,” Hiccup’s quiet voice brought her back. He played with the straps of his backpack absently, observing her with worried eyes. He shot her a strained smile when she looked back at him. “We’re almost there.”

Astrid assumed it was meant to reassure her. But as she looked around as they walked through the forest, fighting another waves of pain and nausea, the only thing she was, was scared.

What would happen when they got “there” – wherever “there” was and whatever “there” meant?

They walked in silence. There was no path so deep in the woods but Hiccup apparently knew exactly where he was going. Feelings of doubt settled in her chest, not for the first time this night, but now it was stronger, more intense.

He stopped, turning to face her, once they reached a smaller plain.

“Whatever happens,” his breath hitched, “whatever happens, don’t panic.”

“Are you serious right now?” She didn’t quite know where the anger came from but the words left her mouth before she could ponder about it any longer. Hiccup remained motionless with the subtlest of glares thrown her way. Back then, she couldn’t appreciate just how calm he was.

“It will be alright.” He said that with such confidence, she almost believed him. “You have to trust me, don’t fight it.”

Astrid bit her tongue. Because how could she not? How could she let it happen to herself? And fight what? How?

“You will have to take that off,” Hiccup added, pointing to her clothes. She stared his way, a low growl starting up in her throat before she could realize.

“Excuse me?”

He backtracked quickly.

“O-okay – new plan.” He held out his hands. “I’m going to leave my backpack with you. You can have my spare clothes. There’s a bottle of water, some wet wipes, gum, and a chocolate bar inside,” he recited hastily, catching her lost look. “It’s for the morning.”

Hiccup slid the backpack off his shoulders and hugged it close to his chest, moving towards one of the trees.

“I’m going to hang it up so it doesn’t get destroyed,” he said, patting the rough material. “I happen to like this backpack.”

She found herself puzzled, and a little irritated, that he could possibly joke in a moment like this one. She followed him with her eyes, watching him get ready to climb the tree, wondering whether she should help him. She felt fixed to the ground.

“Shit,” he gasped out, leaning his arm on the tree branch, almost falling to the ground. His eyebrows dropped low and scrunched up in pain.

“Hiccup-!“

“I’m okay,” he breathed out, waving his hand at her dismissively. “I’m-I’m fine.”

No, it wasn’t fine, it wasn’t _okay_ , a voice screamed in her head as she watched him secure the backpack to one of the branches.

It wasn’t fine. None of it was fine.

How could he say that? As though it was something normal, planned, as though she should pretend and hop on that line of thought- How could it be fine- how?

“It should hold up,” he wiped his hands on his pants carelessly and looked up. The moon was close to its peak height by now, they both could feel it, the undesirable effect it had. “I should go-“

“Don’t,” she pleaded, her heart hammering in her chest. She hated, despised, how pathetic she felt and sounded. But she didn’t want to, couldn’t, do it alone. Hiccup’s eyebrows lowered and he bit his lip.

“I have to,” his voice trembled. “I’m so sorry, Astrid.”

Watching him stumble through the forest, she knew she wanted to follow him, the only familiar element in this whole mess. But the moment she tried to take a step forward her chest exploded with pain unlike anything before.

“No-” falling to her knees, she desperately clutched at her heart. Her breathing came quick, shallow. It grew harder and harder to catch air in her lungs, unable to even whimper, until she screamed. Pain erupted in her chest and arm, accompanied by the sound of breaking bones.

“Hiccup-“ she wheezed out, knowing he could not possibly have heard her. She wanted to cry when her voice turned into something inhumane, unnatural - deep and wild.

Until then, it all seemed like a bad dream, a truly terrifying nightmare, but one she would wake up from and get past. But now she could feel her body morph into something it was not supposed to and her mind getting hazier by the moment, things that she was sure of and memories disappearing however much she desperately tried to hang onto them. She vaguely felt her clothes tearing apart and something sharp growing in her mouth.

Pain, pain, pain – that was all she could think of.

Until she could not think anymore.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! So sorry for the wait! I apologise for all possible mistakes and such – this has not seen a Beta yet!
> 
> Thank you all, so so much for the reviews, y'all are sweathearts! Remember that you can also find me on tumblr under 'slavicviking' and ffnet under 'InsertACreativeNameHere' ;)
> 
> !Warning: mentioned nudity!  
> Music of choice: "Moonsong" by Adrian Von Ziegler

**Chapter 2**

Something was biting his toe.

Hiccup was blinded by the sun peeking through the tree crowns the moment he dared to open his eyes. He grunted and draped an arm over his face to shield himself from the bright light. Cold breeze hit his body, his bare body, and he shivered, goosebumps covering his arms and legs. Something nipped on his toe again. Hiccup surged up with a growl, kicking the ground with his foot to make the bird fly away. The sound of the little brambling flapping his wings was distractedly loud and seemed too close to his ears. He pre-emptively swatted at the air around him. Propping himself on his elbows from behind, Hiccup squinted with a grimace, lines on his forehead creasing to form a frown. It was so bright.

So, _so_ bright.

Hiccup had never gotten drunk but this was how he imagined a hangover felt like.

He moved into a crouching position, wincing at the well-known, rough feeling. Despite the pain in his muscles and a disorienting headache, he stood up, taking his time, and brushed off some of the leaves and mud that stuck onto him. He looked around.

Birds chirped high in the trees but, other than that, there was complete silence. The forest was empty. It was too early, even for the Berkians.

He paused. He felt like he was forgetting something -  _oh_. 

Astrid.

Fuck-shit- _Astrid_.

His back went rigid and he cursed under his breath.

He had to find her - see if she was okay, if she was even-

A gentle morning breeze reminded him that he was, in fact, unclothed. He cringed. Clothes would be good. Useful.

Taking a tentative look around, Hiccup made an attempt at retracing his steps in wolf form to find what was, hopefully, left of his clothes. The scent was strong and he thanked the gods that his wolf hadn't decided to venture miles away this time. With his senses still heightened, and with the help of the wolf's patchy memory, he located his clothes without a _horrendous_ amount of trouble. Jokes. He could do jokes, right?

If only to get one of those famous Gobber-glares later, he decided it was worth it.

Climbing up the tree where the clothes hung was an entirely different story. The bark was weak and old and highly unforgiving of Hiccup's claws the night before. He gave the tree an intense one-over before unsheathing his claws to grip it at the sides and pull himself upwards. It was thankfully mindful enough to not snap under his weight and he retrieved his pants and shirt with only a couple scratches, nothing deep enough to break the skin and draw blood.

He clumsily tugged on his pants and shirt from yesterday, wincing at the place where the stitches had given up on the left sleeve. His shoes and socks were nowhere to be found. Bare-footed, he stumbled around the forest, tripping over protruding tree roots and falling into small pits out of clumsiness. His left shin prickled with pain but it was surprisingly easy to ignore this time.

He always hated the mornings after.

He found the plain he left Astrid at the night before without any particular trouble - it was a familiar place by now and it smelled of something akin to home. Until now.

It weren't the deep and long scratch marks along the length of one of the trees, nor the mess of footprints imprinted in the mud that made him pause. He looked over pieces of ripped apart clothing with a sense of dread but not much else. It was the smell of blood, fresh blood, that had him alert in a matter of seconds. He dropped to his knees in the spot where the scent was most intense. His hands rummaged through the dry leaves and what was left of Astrid's white shirt but there was no markings of blood, no body of a forest animal to explain it.

Hiccup swallowed thickly, worry bubbling in his chest.

His backpack was gone. He haven't decided whether that was a good, or a bad thing yet.

He gripped a loose piece of white fabric from the tarnished grass. Letting the wolf take over, he pressed it to his nose, catching a faint but still present scent, enough for him to know in which direction to go. He pulled himself from the ground, his fingers wound tightly around the cloth, and gingerly went to follow her wolf's – _Astrid's_ \- tracks.

He finally found her by a pond - several trips and swear words under his breath later.

Astrid didn't seem to notice him at first, facing the still water. She was dressed in his sweater and gym trousers, her arms circled around her knees and with her chin lazily propped atop them. His backpack laid open by her side.

"Hey," he finally said, sliding himself down the side of a small hill. She didn't answer him but by the smallest of movements he knew she heard him.

She was shaking. Just a little, barely noticeably, but he noticed.

Careful, Hiccup neared her, taking a spot still a distance away from her but enough to see her face. Whatever words of forced comfort died on his lips once he took a longer look.

A stream of dried up blood marked the side of Astrid's face, mixed with dirt and dried tears. Her lips were split in two places. She was sporting small cuts spread over her face and exposed parts of arms; he could only guess how many of those still remained hidden under his clothes. Her bare feet dug themselves deep into the muddy ground.

She never looked so small, so vulnerable, as in that moment.

Something inside him yearned to embrace her – if only to shield her from her own nightmares at this point. He felt anger - at the person that did that to her, and at himself, for letting it happen. Because maybe he should have stayed with her yesterday, however foolish and irresponsible and _dangerous_ that would have been – for both of them. Because he should have found her earlier and _talked to her_. Because she didn't deserve this.

"Astrid-"

He saw her clench her jaw and dig her cracked and chipped nails into her forearm. A tear rolled down her cheek with a mute sniffle, and he glared at the water instead.

"I ate your chocolate bar." She didn't move or look his way as she spoke and with her mouth pressed into her knees, he almost hadn't heard her.

"That's - that's okay," he bit his lip, trying to make his voice as soft-sounding as possible. "That's why I had it there."

His stomach made a point to disagree, reminding him how hungry he actually was. He ignored it and instead grabbed the backpack from the ground, fishing out a bottle of water. Taking the lid off, he gulped down half of its content. Astrid finally looked away from the pond and watched him from the side. He pushed the half-empty bottle her way.

"Do you want-?" he asked but she only shook her head softly. Biting his lip, he pulled out a packet of wet wipes from the bag.

"Here," he handed her one and she hesitantly took it, reaching up to clean her face.

"Thanks."

She coughed and cleared her throat roughly, eyeing the bottle. She reached for it with some hesitation, taking a solid swing of the water inside. Her shaking began to cease slowly. She looked better, healthier, with her face more or less cleaned up. She did, in spite of his fears when he first saw her, bore a gash mark on the left side of her forehead. A few loose strands that fell onto her face helped it stay relatively hidden but the dried blood marked her blonde hair in a few spots as well.

"What?" Astrid's sharp tone brought him back to reality. Her face immediately formed into a grimace, wincing at the volume of her own voice. He hadn't realized he'd been staring - he hadn't intended to.

"You - You have...In your hair," his tongue ceased to work properly and he ended up gesturing with his arms in her general direction, red coloring his cheeks slightly. Astrid immediately reached to her forehead where the gash was, wincing at the pain and frowning when there was blood on her fingers once she pulled back. She froze up.

Her blank look scared him.

"It's getting late," he quickly jumped in. She looked up to the sky, squinting her eyes at the bright light, before her eyes slid to him, watching him as though he grew another head. Hiccup swallowed. "Are you- Would like to go home?"

Astrid nodded softly. He stood up first, offering her a hand. She slapped it away with a frown and pushed herself upwards – shakily and swaying to the sides. Her legs gave out on her at one point as she went up the hill leading out of the little valley. Hiccup rushed in and circled his arm around her shoulders. She blew a loose strand of hair from her face, annoyed, but, in the end, accepted his help with a defeated sigh.

He knew she didn't like needing help. And she didn't, usually – but this was, however much she would deny it, too much for her to handle all on her own at the moment. He could help her – he would do anything he could to help her adjust and learn, he promised himself that then.

Their journey back to her aunt's house was long and filled with relative silence. He wondered whether he should say something, perhaps make an attempt at lightening the mood, but his mouth went dry whenever he finally decided to speak. She tripped a few times. He did as well, and he hoped that gave her back some confidence, that it, in same way, lessened the feeling that she was alone in all this mess. And that she didn't have to _be_ alone

A true nightmare for Astrid started, ironically one could say, once they reached the edge of the woods. New smells and noises hit her at once, with intensity she could not have possibly prepared for. She cowered onto herself with the first car that passed a street close to them, her hands clasped desperately over her ears. Her chest heaved with shallow breaths.

For the first time in years, Hiccup felt completely clueless. He remembered vividly all his struggles with adjusting to what could be considered a normal life. He still had moments where the wild side of him took over. Despite that, he couldn't possibly imagine what it felt like for her. How truly terrifying of an experience the previous night must have been and how the morning, that was supposed to bring salvation, only hurt her further.

He did the only thing he could think of and placed a gentle hand on her upper back, leading her away from the busy streets and closer to her aunt's little house. He had never been quite this glad that Helle's cottage was located at the outskirts of the town, away from traffic and anything else that could further harm her niece. Astrid remained with the flats of her palms stuck to her ears, eyes pressed together tightly as though the world and this nightmare she was living would stop once she couldn't see or hear it anymore. She dared to sneak a peek only when they the house was already in sight, her body faltering slightly in relief at the familiar sight.

Hiccup banged at the back door but it was pretty obvious that Helle was not inside. He growled under his breath lowly, cursing under his breath.

They had a _deal_.

Astrid leaned herself on the wall beside him, her eyes half-closed and mouth slightly agape. He had predicted that once all the adrenaline wore off she would be drowsy but that didn't ease up his nerves in the slightest, not when she was still injured and Helle was clearly not home despite what they talked about.

"Hold on," he bit his lip, hoping to gods that Astrid's aunt was still just as scatterbrained and forgetful. He released a long breath in relief when he kicked away an old garden gnome, unveiling a set of keys beneath. He quickly pushed them into the lock, almost basking in the sound of the old doors creaking as they opened.

"M'lady," he bowed slightly, gesturing to the opened doors. Though Astrid did not share his new-found enthusiasm, she appeared relieved, her looks softening. He closed them slowly after they entered, careful not to make any unnecessary noises.

"I'm going," Astrid started hesitantly. "I'll go…"

He didn't press, instead he nodded his head, brows lowering in concern when he saw her trudge up the stairs. She looked so small in his clothes, so miserable.

The old-fashioned kettle was whistling aggressively in the kitchen annex by the time Astrid descended back into the living room. She looked better, refreshed. Her wet hair dripped onto the towel wrapped around her shoulders. She hugged his clothes to her chest, eyeing him and the room. Their eyes met briefly. She seated herself on one end of the couch, pulling the clothes to rest, folded, by her side.

Swallowing down the rest of a slightly stale bun, Hiccup settled two mugs on the coffee table and plopped on the other side of the couch, his eyes on the blonde, watching her warily. Astrid eyed the content of the mug skeptically, taking a quick whiff.

"What _is_ that?" Astrid scrunched up her nose in disgust and pushed the cup away.

"Chamomile," Hiccup grabbed his own mug from the table. "Helps ease up the muscle pain and with…digestion."

They both frowned at the last word. He could only assume Astrid had already figured out what he had in mind. She raised it to her lips, taking a careful sip and immediately scowled at the drink. If not for the circumstances, Hiccup would have found it extremely amusing. And endearing.

"It really helps," he shrugged and took a sip of his own. "You can add sugar if you want."

"I've drank Chamomile tea before. It was never _that_ intense," she concluded, eyeing the beverage intensively. Two full teaspoons of sugar soon landed in the mug with Astrid already weighing up the third one.

"Your senses are still heightened, they always are close to and shortly after the full moon," Hiccup frowned into his tea before following up after Astrid with the idea of adding more sugar. "It should be back to normal after two or three days. Well, I don't know what normal is for you, so perhaps not exactly… _that_."

"What do you mean?"

"I-well," Hiccup drunk more of his tea, pressing himself further into his seat, suddenly self-conscious. "I was born like this. I don't actually know what's considered 'normal'," he mimicked quotation marks with the fingers of his free hand. "for you."

"So, this whole time you were-" Astrid paused. Hiccup nodded curtly, shifting his eyes to the side.

He didn't know where the sudden hesitation on his part came from. Or perhaps - was it embarrassment? He struggled with what he was, during his teenage years especially. With no one like him by his side, he felt lost and confused, and, most of all, alone. Astrid was like an anchor to him then, without even knowing about it - she, and the gang too, indirectly, helped him adjust and discover who he was and he who was meant to be. But it took him a while to accept the fact he was not and never will be like the others, that he would never belong the way they did.

His secret felt suffocating then, further reinforcing his feeling of loneliness. He hated to lie to her but he knew he would hate himself more if she knew the truth and left him. Even if it were for, understandable, safety reasons.

"That actually...explains some things," she finally concluded, absently playing with the mug in her hand.

He didn't dare to ask what exactly it was supposed to explain in her mind. He didn't exactly yearn for yet another reminder of how different he was.

"Right," he said instead, clenching his jaw. If she could sense he was uncomfortable, she didn't show it.

"I can...I can teach you," he spoke after a moment of silence. Astrid jumped in her seat slightly, drops of hot tea dotting the couch and her clothes. She craned her neck towards him with an absent look on her face, as if something had sucked all the life and energy from her body. He supposed that wasn't that far away from the truth.

"What?"

"How to deal with...all this," he elaborated, gesturing in her general direction. "I-I can teach you all I know. You could-"

"Look, I appreciate that," she cut in, extending her hand outwards apologetically. "I really do. But I don't think that's a good idea. Now."

"Oh."

He knew she had every right, that it was to be expected in her position but a part of him still felt hurt at how abruptly she shot him down. Guilt washed over him instantly - she looked so overwhelmed and scared and he had no right, not today.

He just wished he could help somehow.

"It's okay, I understand," he finally said, sending her a strained smile. The house didn't feel as welcome anymore, he felt like a stranger. "I should, I should, um, go. Probably."

Astrid didn't respond but he could sense he was making her uncomfortable. Setting his mug back on the coffee table, he stood up, his bones cracking at the sudden movement. His left shin exploded with pain and he grunted, clutching it with his hand.

"Are you okay?"

He hated how concerned she sounded, how quiet her voice had become. She should be angry and snapping - it would be easier to be mad at her then, to be so unreasonably disappointed.

"I'm _fine_ ," he didn't know _why_ he had snapped at her. Irritation bubbled at the pit of his stomach. He wanted to stay calm. He wanted to be understanding. But, at the same time, he could feel himself growing more anxious, he could feel the weariness of the day bring him down and unsolicited annoyance come forward. He knew it wasn't him, it wasn't the sensible, _human_ part of him speaking. He had tried to mute it all evening yesterday and today in the morning so as to not scare Astrid off. But the show was over and it wanted to _get out_.

He knew how dangerous it could be, what it implies - what it _wants_.

Sliding from the couch, Hiccup gathered up his stuff silently, avoiding as much as looking at her. He could, however, still feel her presence, her closeness. She was too close.

"See you around, Astrid." And then he left, shutting the door behind him, before he could hear her reply - if she replied at all. Leaning himself over the picket fence at the front, he tried to clear his buzzing mind. Droplets of sweat formed at the back of his neck, his breathing turned shallow.

He wanted to go back, he needed - he _couldn't_.

He wanted to see her again.

What was _wrong_ with him?

***

Astrid felt numb.

Her whole body felt as though she was on fire. Everything hurt. She wanted to cry.

Hoffersons didn't cry.

She looked at the back door for the umpteenth time, part of her expecting Hiccup to re-enter the house. He left tense, she could feel irritation and anger on him - she couldn't explain how but she _knew_.

Instead she stayed seated on the couch, an empty mug from chamomile tea set on the table next to Hiccup's. Astrid sat, unmoving, not knowing what to do, completely and utterly lost, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness prickling at the back of her head. Her mind remained blank, memories and thoughts clashing together to form an incomprehensible mess where she could not distinguish reality from imagined anymore. She could see glowing eyes, in the dark. She could feel the cold, she could sense the forest around her and hear it; hear everything.

Astrid gasped, jumping in her seat when she heard the sound of the keys turning in the locks of the front door.

Vaguely, as though a dense fog settled before her, or perhaps only in her mind, she felt a pair of strong arms envelope her in a gentle embrace and aunt Helle's soft features, blurry but there - and safe, familiar.

"Oh, Astrid," she whispered into her niece's hair and that was all it took for Astrid to break down. She shook, choking down sobs, her arms tightly around Helle's lithe form.

Hoffersons didn't _cry-_

"It's going to be alright, Astrid," Helle said, planting a soft kiss on her head. "It's going to be alright, I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully all the questions, If there are any, will be answered as we go along. ^^   
> Thank you for reading. If you liked it, lemme know! :D


	5. Chapter 3: Back to Unfamiliar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of choice: “Looking too closely” by Fink

Chapter 3

 Back to Unfamiliar

 

 

For the third time in a row, Astrid started her day leaned over the toilet bowl.

She’d be angry, She’d be furious, cursing upon her life, whatever was the thing that did that to her, upon Hiccup – if she weren’t so damn exhausted. She wanted to test the accuracy of her aunt’s axe hidden in the shed, she wanted to scream until her voice gave out, she wanted to rip her hair out of frustration – instead, she sat, slumped, and shaking with anger and helplessness, fingers itching to just do _something_ , anything.

Her stomach twisted and turned again, and she hugged the toilet, her eyes squeezed shut.

“Oh gods…”

Propping herself on her arm, she leaned her burning forehead against the cold porcelain. Her arms felt so incredibly heavy, her head seemed ready to bob down, straight onto the toilet’s hard surface, as though steel chains had been hanged all over her body. Her eyes stung as she tried to blink away the sleepless nights.  

She wished it could end. Soon. Right now.  

Helle did what she could to ease up the symptoms but she could only do so much with her limited knowledge, (Astrid had yet to ask where that knowledge was gained to begin with). Her aunt had suggested calling Hiccup over more than once but Astrid refused each time. She could do it on her own, she was strong enough.

It was nausea and tired muscles – she could hardly think of anything Hiccup could even do about it. It was like any other sickness, she simply had to push through and wait it out. There was nothing… She wasn’t… She _would_ push through.

Or so she told herself.

She and Helle managed to have more than one of those long but necessary conversations during the last three days. Those were never easy – stretched over hours, filled with moments of silence and dreadful tears. Astrid despised them as much as she yearned for them.

Helle stubbornly insisted on going to Hiccup and asking for his help.

But something stopped her from doing so, always just as the thought seemed to settle in; she wasn’t quite sure what it was exactly, couldn’t name it. There were a lot of things she had yet to find out about.

It was a thought that kept her awake for hours upon hours during the night - how well did she truly know Hiccup Haddock? Her whole worldview had been shattered so quickly and so violently - everything she believed in was questioned. And with uncertainties regarding the truths of life she trusted so much, there came doubts about people, people she knew had lied to her, whatever the reason behind those decisions may have been.

There were things that simply did not add up, things that made her turn and toss in her bed.

Because Hiccup knew of the spare keys her aunt had hidden in the garden - he knew where to look, there was no hesitation, no doubt on his face. His movements around the house felt as though her aunt’s house was his own. He knew where everything was, he made her tea, he helped himself with food. In the state of mind she was at the time, that did not weird her out nearly as much as it had hours later, when her mind was much, much clearer.

It was odd.

The Hoffersons and Haddocks used to be close, years ago - when Valka was still alive. But years of doubts and absence had done their share and so, despite her growing friendship with Hiccup throughout middle school and beginning of high school, she could not find a reasonable explanation as to why Hiccup would behave in the way he did.

One thing was certain and that was that she did not know Hiccup Haddock nearly as much as she thought she did three years ago.

It did not help that she felt watched. Since the full moon she had gotten out of house only once, to get groceries when Helle was at work, but she could feel somebody’s eyes on her. From the corner of her eye and in the blurry reflections she could see a thin figure, watching her, unmoving. Whenever she turned to take a look, there was no one there. At home, she felt presence, all around her, following her - observing her.

She refused to believe it was Hiccup who kept watching her; the figure, whoever - whatever - it was, seemed too short, too small to be him. It didn’t _feel_ like it was him. A thought, though lingered at the back of her mind – that Hiccup _could_ _be_ dangerous, that he was _not_ human, and that made him unpredictable. Guilt always sneaked in right beside this line of thinking. He’d been her friend at one point – he lied and hid things from her, but the fact remained, however distracting. He tried to help her three days ago, didn’t he?

It wasn’t him, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t.

Would he?

She yearned for something that wasn’t so indefinitely gray – for once, something that she could toss to one of the sides: to know whether to trust or not. It was never that easy.

A loud bang on the door brought her back to the present time in a very harsh manner, leaving her heart hammering against her ribcage. She was alone, her aunt went off to work after Astrid had snapped at her that she was _fine_. The word left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She wasn’t fine.

Whoever was at the doors didn’t seem on planning to give up. She would assume it was Hiccup, except, at present, she doubted he’d actually knock – he’d rather just walk in (like he waltzed back into her life), with no reservations or questions asked, or so she would bet on (not without a hint of bitterness). As though she wouldn’t mind that. As though that didn’t fill her up with dread but anticipation, at the same time.  

She hated he probably thought he was doing her a favor by giving her ‘space’. She hated that she needed it in the first place. Above all, she hated how different everything was to how it used to be, to how it should be.

Astrid raised herself from the cold bathroom tiles, swerving to the side, grasping the edge of the bathtub to keep herself balanced. Shapes and colors danced before her eyes for a moment before the world somewhat settled. The walk down the curled staircase felt like a trial for her aching muscles. One unsure step after another, she reached the bottom. Her eyes caught her reflection in the mirror and she frowned at her wild hair and dirty pajama clothes. She looked like a wreck.

“Astrid,” the voice behind the doors called. “I know you’re in there.”

“Ruffnut?” Astrid muttered under her breath, some of the worry fleeting away. Hugging the sweater thrown over her shoulders closer to her chest, she unlocked the doors.

“What the hell, Hofferson?”

She winced, both at the bright light outside and her friend’s sharp and loud tone.

“Nice to see you, too, Ruffnut,” she slowly replied.

“Nice, my ass,” the girl offered in return, blowing a loose hair from her face with a snort. “Where were you? I called you like ten times.”

“I-” Shit. Her phone. The last few days were so confusing and so nerve-wracking, she hadn’t even felt the absence of her phone, something she didn’t even deemed possible at this day and age. She looked up at Ruff. “I lost my phone.”

“And you’re only realizing that _now_?” she asked incredulously before narrowing her eyes. “You look like death. Are you sick or something?”

“You can say that,” Astrid mumbled before faking a cough. She pressed two fingers to her forehead, annoyed. “I should go look for it, don’t I?”

“Probably,” Ruffnut watched her warily, any signs of previous anger gone. Cocking her eyebrow, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Any idea where it might be?”

Astrid swallowed thickly, looking out towards the forest behind Ruffnut’s back.

“Yeah...”

* * *

“Damn it.”

Coming there made the hair at the back of her neck stand up, tying her stomach in a knot after a knot. The air felt so incredibly stuffy. She felt sick Every second spent there made it more and more unbearable. It was too soon.

A part of her told her it would always be too soon.

One thing she was grateful for was the ubiquitous silence. A bird, or two, chirped from high up the tree from time to time, but it was nothing compared to the ruckus of the busy streets and Berkians going about their day. It wasn’t the nightmare she faced after the full moon but she was, still, left with a disorienting ringing in her ears.

“What were you even here for?”

Astrid paused her search to look at Ruffnut. A light shiver travelled down her back despite the sun beaming up on them from the sky.

“I was,” her voice got stuck when she saw the deep claw marks on the tree behind her friend. The place did not look nearly as haunting during daytime but she couldn’t just forget what had taken place here - or how utterly terrified she felt, or how the pain made her paralyzed. _Her_ – of all people.

“I was taking a walk,” she finally said. “I… lost track of time.”

“I bet,” Ruffnut replied with a snort, kicking away some leaves that had fallen down. She scrunched up her nose once she unveiled deep footprints in the mud below. “It’s pretty far off.”

Astrid only hummed in response, casting her friend a sideways glance. She did not like, in the slightest, how intensively Ruffnut was staring into her found. Fear rose at the pit of her belly, she could feel herself growing more anxious by the seconds. What if she figured it out? What if she knew what happened here? What-

Her breath hitched. A quick sweep of tongue across her teeth, her flat, human, _normal_ teeth calmed her down slightly, though she could feel that wild element, this new and dangerous part of her, being on edge. Her heart rattled against her ribcage; she wasn’t so sure about her control any more.

“I found _something_ ,” Ruffnut announced with a grimace, pulling out a piece of muddy cloth with a stick. “I don’t think it’s your phone though.”

“Drop that.”

She hadn’t fully realized how sharp her tone had turned until she saw the genuine surprise on Ruffnut’s face.

“Oookay,” she slowly said, letting the stick with the dirty cloth fall to the ground. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, huh?”

Astrid ignored the jab, still not over the way her voice changed, how she almost growled at her friend. She was never a quiet type, no. She had her teachers subtly trying to suggest anger management during her rebellious teenage years but that was it - her, being an irresponsible and moody teenager. She wanted to believe she got a hang of that, that she had it under control. Now it all fell apart again, she had to start from scratch. Worse, even - she was on unknown and unstable grounds. She didn’t know what she was capable of, she didn’t know what her boundaries now where.

What if she becomes like _it_? What if she became numb to human reflexes, empty of empathy?

She tried to ignore the strips of dirty material that used to be her shirt as she moved the leaves out of the way with the tip of her shoe.

Her eyes caught movement. She straightened her back.   

Behind Ruffnut, there stood them, the vague figure she’d been seeing. A distance away, she could not make out much, but _he_ was there, it was him, she was sure of that. He did not move nor speak, staying silent and watching. He was much younger than she first thought, couldn’t be much older than fourteen.

Blood froze in her veins, fear - ubiquitous fear - casting a shadow over sense and logic.

“So, I was meaning to ask,” Ruffnut’s voice made her shift her attention away from the stranger for a mere second. Turning back, she found the spot was completely empty, as though no one was ever there to begin with. The area was deserted. She let out a shuddering breath, desperately looking around the woods. Ruffnut, unfazed, continued. “what happened on Friday exactly?”

Astrid froze.

There was no one there.

There was _no one_ there. There never was, no one-

“What do you mean?”

“Dude, you totally bailed on us,” Ruff replied, looking through the leaves. She sounded genuinely hurt and for a moment Astrid felt bad. _There is no one there, someone is watching, no one, no one, no one, always watching….._  “One moment Hiccup sweeps you up gods know where, and the next you’re gone, without a stupid ‘goodbye’.”

“I sent you a text,” she tried, her voice cracking, her eyes on the spot, on the trees, on the ground, on the bark-

“Emergebt have tp fho?” Ruffnut read out from her phone. “Yeah, sure, that explains everything.”

“I’m _sorry_ , okay?” She could feel her pulse rising. “It really was an emergency.”

Her friend hummed dismissively. Astrid could barely hear her. Her ears were clogged. “Did you hook up or something?”

“ _What_?” that made her turn her head back towards Ruffnut, breathless. A strong force pulled her to look back towards the spot.

No one there, _no one_ was there...

“With Hiccup.”

“ _No_ ,” she quickly butted in, harsher than she intended. She sent her a sideways glare. “No, no, most definitely _not_.”

Astrid sucked in her breath, sensing someone watching her again. She turned on her heel but she was met with nothing. Biting the inside of her cheek, she squared her shoulders.  

“Look, Ruff, I’m sorry. I’m going to make it up to you somehow, I promise.”

“You better,” her friend concluded, her tone lighter. “We missed you, you know.”

Astrid released a sigh, feeling her muscles relax a little when Ruffnut smiled tightly her way. Suddenly, she didn’t feel as alone. There was some comfort in the thought.

A twig snapped somewhere.

It sounded as though the person was right behind her. But there wasn’t. No one was there-

Except-

Her ears blarred in alarm. She felt as though someone punched air out of her lungs. Adrenaline pumped up the blood in her veins. Her hands formed fists by her sides. She could hear her heartbeat pick up the pace. Her eyes fell to the spot behind Ruffnut on its own accord but it remained empty. She heard footsteps, behind her, and, again, she felt as though they were a mere feet away from her.

There was a man; a tall figure with broad shoulders coming their way, a lot further than a feet away. His long dark hair was tied into a bun that loosely hung off at the back of his neck. It wasn’t her unwanted observer, no, but she did not like him either. She could smell sweat and mud on him. And blood, fresh blood. She tried to ignore the fact that she can _smell and distinguish_ fresh blood on the man, at all.

Was he real? Or was her mind deceiving her once again?

Her breathing got more uneven the closer the man got to them. Nerve-wracking fear turned her stomach upside down. She could feel the new and wild element inside her grow, tempting to do things she would never do with a clear mind. The crunching of the leaves under his feet got unbearably louder.

“Eret!” Ruffnut’s whole demeanor changed instantly as he approached them. She tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. Astrid watched it all as though through dense fog. The colors seemed faded, like they had been on the night of the full moon. She hunched her shoulders, her head hung downwards, with her eyes solidly on the ground, Hiccup’s words from a few nights ago ringing in her head.

The footsteps grew closer, and louder - if it was possible; she could feel him, sense his presence, so close to her. Too close.

“Is your friend okay?” the stranger spoke with a deep, heavily-accented voice. Clearly he was not around from these parts. But Ruffnut seemed to have known him already. Quite well, too, if Astrid could judge by her out-of-character behavior.

“Yeah,” her friend sounded dismissive in response. “She’s just a little sick.”

“Right.”

Silence fell over them. She refused to look up. Ruffnut shuffled around, the sound of rustling leaves abnormally intense with each time she moved her weight from one leg to another. Astrid could feel how nervous she was, the way her heartbeat picked up. All the other sounds mashed together into a shapeless blob. They were talking but they sounded so distant, as though she was trapped behind a wall. Or underwater.

“...phone…”

“Is…’kay…?”

“-trid,” she felt a hand on her shoulder. And then it all snapped right back. Voices became clear, colors resembling their more or less normal shades.  “Astrid, do you hear that?” 

Slowly, she straightened her back. Ruffnut was waving a familiar phone, the teal case smudged with mud, in front of her, a toothy grin spread over her face. “Eret found your phone.”

She breathed out. “How did you-?”

“I was taking a walk when I saw something in the mud.”

His heartbeat picked up a little, she could hear it. It terrified her. A part of her was intrigued.

“You were… taking a walk?” she narrowed her eyes at him. He shot her a weird look.

“Yes,” he responded slowly - smugly, too, but she could tell the smugness did not come out that as naturally as he’d wish. “It’s a nice day out.”

“It sure is,” she said, clenching her jaw. He clenched his fist ever the slightest, his brows lowering in discontent and deep thought. She hadn’t realized, until Ruffnut cleared her throat, she had been staring. She hadn’t meant to, either. Eret remained motionless.

“I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting before,” his voice low and steady, he outstretched a hand her way. “My name is Eret. Son of Eret.”

“Astrid,” she shook his hand lightly.

“Ruffnut,” her friend butted in, shrugging when Astrid looked her way in discontent confusion. Eret appeared to be completely unaware, his eyes lingering over the faint scratches on Astrid’s arms. She took her hand back roughly, tugging her sleeves down. That seemed to have make him snap back. He smiled tightly.

“I should be going, I wouldn’t want to be late for work,” he turned his gaze towards the slowly setting sun to make his point.

She only quirked an eyebrow at his abrupt exit, following his retreating form with a careful gaze. She crossed her arms over her chest firmly once he was no more than a speck, framed by the endless forest.  

“Well, that was kinda weird,” Ruffnut admitted. Twirling a loose lock between her fingers, she bit her lip. “But hot. Isn’t he hot?”

Astrid frowned, her eyes on the phone in her hand before she looked up to where Eret, son of Eret, had gone off to again.

“Yeah...weird.”

“Come on,” Ruffnut shivered, a disgruntled look on her face. “Let’s get out of here, this place is giving me some serious creeps.”

As she said that, her eyes lingered over the deep scratch marks carved into the tree bark and Astrid felt her stomach clench.

“Good idea.”

* * *

She stood, lazily leaned over the wall next to a supermarket. Her eyes lingered over the Haddock mansion while Ruffnut got some, in her words, necessary groceries. Sweets - they were all sweets. And a pack of pizza rolls.

Part of Astrid, admittedly, yearned to see Hiccup, to tell him of what she saw and felt, seek a wise word or a piece of an advice about this new reality she had to face. She knew, deep down, she wasn’t handling it well, that it could turn ugly really quick if she wasn’t going to start handling it _better_.

She saw a shape in one of the tall Gothic-styled windows on the side of the grand mansion, ones that always filled her with a sense of wonder when she was younger. Her heart skipped a beat, and her eyes narrowed at the figure. Her initial thought was to assume it was Hiccup, an irony of some kind in itself, but the shadow was too big, taking up most of the space behind the window. She saw red, furious red hair, even through the dirty glass. She connected the dots.

It was hard to mistake Stoick the Vast, not with how characteristic his general appearance was, and not when she had spent numerous afternoons at Hiccup’s house, with his dad quickly jumping on the occasion to talk to her about this years’ school’s basketball season.  

But there was something that wasn’t quite right here either. He was so perfectly still. More like a dream than a normal human being.

“Astrid,” Ruffnut snapped her fingers before her face, annoyed. “Dude, what are you looking at?”

“I-ah,” she shook her head. “Just- weird… The way he’s standing in the window there.”

“Window? Which window?” Ruff narrowed her eyes. “You mean Hiccup?”

“No,” she argued, pointing to the window she meant. “Hiccup’s,” she turned her head towards the figure in the window only to see it empty. “...dad.”

No, not again, it couldn’t possibly be happening. No, _no_ , **_no_**...

“Astrid,” Ruffnut lowered her voice but it was still loud, too loud.  “Stoick died two years ago.”

Well. Fuck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been so long *hides in shame* but I hope you enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> [insert out-of-tune version of the Avengers’ theme after post-credit teasers here]
> 
> Happy Haloween, to those who celebrate it! Lemme know what you think so far ;)


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